The writer is a journalist in Yangon Region who is receiving support from The Kite Tales to write these diaries.
“…(They’ve) been arrested"
The words tumbled out from my friend’s mouth as soon as I picked up the call on Signal. I gasped in amazement but I had no words for the emotions that overcame me.
The arrested friend is a fellow journalist and someone I am very close to. We used to meet face-to-face fairly regularly and we had been chatting with each other online just a few days before they were arrested.
I was overcome with worry for them. And at the same time, I was also frightened about my own safety. I heard they were charged with Section 505(a) of the Myanmar Penal Code, under which many journalists have been charged. (Editor: this is an amendment made after the coup that criminalises criticism of the military and the coup as well as any information deemed to support the pro-democracy movement and it has been used against many journalists and writers.)
If they come after me, the fact that I’m still working as a journalist could put me in even more trouble.
This friend and I joined the same news outlet as young reporters at the start of our careers, so we’ve shared both good and bad times. This is someone who is always smiling. We kept in touch even though I changed jobs a couple of times.
At the time of the coup they had been working at a non-governmental organisation, but after the military seized power they lost their job. They would often confide in me about the difficulty of finding a new job. In this period whenever we met up, they would say how bad they felt that, because they were the main breadwinner of the family, they were unable to take part in the democratic uprising as much as they wanted to. But I know they were helping as much as they could. They themselves were trying to keep a low profile and stay out of the dictatorship’s crosshairs. When we spoke a few days before their arrest, we made a plan to catch up. Then I heard the news.
My mind kept racing. I was plagued by all sorts of worries. I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend and what might be happening to them. Had they been interrogated? Did the authorities find out anything about me? I couldn’t sleep at night wondering what I would do if they came after me.
I agonised about whether I should stay put or disappear for a while. This is not the first time I’ve done this. In the past too, I would go to a safe place for a week or so whenever I heard some worrying news. It is how it has been since the coup. But it's not easy to go somewhere on short notice anymore.
My mind was buzzing with so many thoughts and questions. Where would I live? Could I rent a house? Should I go to someone else’s house? There are security issues to consider for a woman living alone in rented accommodation. I also had to worry if I would come across a guest registration check in any place I take refuge in. But what if I stayed where I was and something happened? Finally, I decided to go away for a bit and found somewhere I thought would be safe.
About a month after my friend’s arrest, I felt that things had calmed down a bit and I figured the likelihood of a new criminal case had reduced, so I went back to where I had been living before. I remember coming back and not being able to appreciate the familiar decorations in the room. I just threw my backpack on a chair and collapsed on the bed.
I am exhausted by this situation. It’s not the work itself, but living with this level of anxiety makes me feel like I’m in prison. Even though I'm behaving normally, going out and eating out, I’m mentally spent. It's been two years now. When will this way of living end?
I don't know how my friend is faring in the prison. There are occasional messages telling friends and family outside not to worry and that they are fine and healthy. This is not the first friend to end up in prison. As the number of people who have been incarcerated has gradually increased, so has the impact on people like me who are still outside. Knowing that close friends have been locked up without having done anything wrong makes it very difficult to concentrate on other things.
This is the situation anyone can face as long as tyrants rule. I don't dare to continue the thought: “What if it was me?”
The artwork is by an anonymous illustrator who is receiving support from The Kite Tales to produce illustrations.
